Potted Proverbs: watch the watch!

The study is flowing, the conversation is sharp, funny and moving by turn.

Someone raises an interesting question that everyone wants to comment on. Someone shares a deeply moving need that everyone wants to pray for.

You look at your watch, and it's 10.45.

"Whoa!" you cry, "time these little piggies were all tucked up in bed for the night." Some members shoot out of their seats and head straight for the door. Others linger in the hallway talking by the open door. You stifle a yawn, close the door and switch on the TV to wind down before you go to bed. The light doesn't go off until 12.45.

Sound familiar?

Time can just rush by at a homegroup when things are going well, when enthusiasm and interest seem to be sky high. But did you notice the warning signs in the little scenario above? "Some members shoot out of their seats and head straight for the door."

Before you read on, just pause for a moment and consider what the typical timings for your group meeting might be.

1. Know your group
The enthusiasm and interest of some members can make us blind to the real timing needs of others. In my current Home Group, there are some single men and women who work in the city, a student, a mother with three young children. Even though they are interested and engaged, I often catch stifled yawns from a couple of them. The reason is that their working life means that they rise early, and are often so shattered by 8 or 9 at night that they are really no good for much else than curling up with Cocoa after 9.30. So even though it might seem to be spoiling the fun for everyone else, you really owe it to them to finish in time for them to get home.

Before you read on, just pause for a moment and think about your current group members. Who finds it difficult to turn up on time? Why is this? And whose life situation might mean that they really need to get home by a specific time?

2. Understand how people learn
By and large, people's minds work best in small doses. An hour, or an hour and a half means that everyone will be still able to concentrate and be engaged with the subject (so long as you keep it on track, and don't allow too much digression). Sometimes extending the time you are talking doesn't actually add anything to what people are able to learn and process in an evening.

Sometimes less is more.

3. Leave them hungry for more
I never tire of telling people that good Christian work is nearly always long term, low-key and relational. The real benefits to a Christian's life and discipleship is about growing over a long period of time in fellowship with others - rather than through spectacular one-off events. That is, although individual evenings can have a significant influence, as the Spirit speaks to them from the Word of God, the cumulative effects of being part of a group that prays for each other and works through larger parts of the Bible together is much greater overall.

That has an implication for how you run the timing of your group. It is better long term to leave them hungry for more at the end of an evening, rather than go on for a long time and leave some exhausted. And that's because people will want to come back week after week. Whereas, in the scenario above, everyone will have agreed that they had a great time, but the following week, a couple of people may be thinking: "great time, but I was so exhausted the next day, I fell asleep at my desk," or I'd love to go, but I was so ratty with the kids the following day, that I can't face it."

Have a game plan
My game plan is to start the study at 8.15, pray at 9, and have and allow people to leave at 9.15. I try to make it easy for people to leave who need to. I try to allow those who want to stay for a while to do that. It doesn't often work like that, but having a game plan in mind will help reduce the likelihood of straying into injury time at the end of a long day.

It may feel a little "unspiritual" to work to timings like this. But experience has taught me that ignoring ground rules like this is simply unloving to some group members. So...

Have a clock within your eyeline. Make sure that you have a game plan, and...

Watch the watch!

potted proverbs: The main thing is the main thing

What kind of home group leader are you? A hippy, an engineer, a gardener or a schoolmaster?

Over the next few weeks I want to unpack (there's that word again!) some of the different leadership styles we may have, and try to work out what the pros and cons are.

Giving some thought to your style of leadership, and how you relate to others and just "be" with a group of people can be very instructive to working out your blind spots in making your home group go with a zing.

I asked the same question in a parenting seminar I ran with a friend a couple of years ago, and it opened my eyes to some dark truths about myself, and how I influence others.

Let me be up front. I pretty much default to Hippy mode when I'm with groups of people. I just love the journey so much, that I'm tempted to forget the destination. I think people in my homegroup have a great and memorable time, but I need to make sure that I have planned, prepared and have firmly fixed in my mind where we need to get to as we open God's word together.

Because, as I have written here, the key purpose of a home group is that we encourage one another with the Word of Christ. When we look at a passage of Scripture, it is God speaking to us - and he has something very important to tell us. It's important for us as leaders to be committed to that, because our social culture is pushing in exactly the opposite direction. Our culture values the  expressing of opinions and ideas and  does not like saying anybody is wrong - especially in matters of morality and spirituality.

But genuine Christian believers are committed to the truth of the Bible as God's Word. This is the only genuinely Christian position, because our master Jesus was committed to that too -  and a servant is not above his master. John 13:16. So we are committed to the belief that the truth of Scripture is objective. It is not about "what it means to me", but "what it means."[full stop]

That's why the Proverb of the title is so important for you, and for my fellow hippies in particular, as we lead a homegroup. Our job in preparation is to come to a conclusion about the main thing that the passage is saying, and to build our discussion, questions, and programme for the evening around the main thing. The main thing is the destination of our time together. Because it is what God is saying to us right now from the part of scripture we are looking at.

Hippy homegroup leaders may start with a destination in mind - albeit a vague one. But as we set out on the highway in our minibus to visit the doctor, we are intrigued by a sign that says "Museum of curiosities 5 miles" and turn off the road. And after spending some time there, we see a sign for "The world's best Cajun restaurant, 3 miles" and slide off in that direction for a while. And then we stop by a lake because it has a beautiful view, and we watch the sun set together. We had a great time. But we never made it to the doctor, and our problems remain un-diagnosed, un-treated and unresolved.

It can be the same with homegroups. We move from one interesting and absorbing distraction to another, and everyone has a great time. Except we never get to where we were going... If you are on holiday, that doesn't especially matter. But when the destination is hearing something really important that the creator of the universe, your saviour and Lord has to say to you, it is shockingly rude and disrespectful. The main thing is the main thing.


Preparation
Good preparation is always the key here. If you are writing the study yourself, come to a conclusion about the main point, and try to write a summary sentence for what the Bible study is about - your best hit at The Big Idea of the passage.

If you are using a published Bible-study guide, try to choose one that helps you with this. Some studies are just a series of questions that open up the content and logic of the passage, but do not try to focus down onto a single, central idea. The Good Book Guides are a good example of published guides that structure their studies this way.

That's not to say, of course, that you should deny the opportunity to look elsewhere as you work through a passage, and follow some interesting side roads for a while. Nor is it to say that, as you discuss the passage together, you may begin to see that the big idea is a little different from how your first saw it. But the truth is, that if you start without a destination, it is likely that you will end up going nowhere.

Potted Proverbs: Don't cap it, leave it

Don't cap it: leave it!

Most of the proverbs I have been writing about are aimed at helping you grab hold of some of the simple skills that will make your group just work better.  But the core of the issue in this proverb is directed more towards your heart as a leader. So I might ask first:

Just exactly what do you think your job is as a bible study group leader?

Often, we rightly cast ourselves in role of teacher. I have led a number of groups where the members have been young Christians who have known very little. They are hungry, and they just need someone to teach them.

Of course in the middle of that, you always have to maintain a respect for the life experience of adults in your group. I have been privileged to share a living room sofa with people who are at the highest levels of their professions - doctors, businessmen, lawyers, engineers and scientists - but who have been infants in the faith. And they have been humble enough to take instruction and advice from me, as we have opened the Bible together.

But in the end, we must always recognise that it is the Holy Spirit who is our true teacher. He is the one who inspired the Scriptures that we look to as our final authority. He is the one who opens our eyes to its truths, and applies them to our hearts. And it is he who is speaking through anyone in the group who articulates the God's truth from the scriptures - whether they are young and self taught, or have more theological degrees than Fahrenheit.

And what this proverb is getting at is you and me, if we think that our job as leader is always to have the last word on anything - because we wrongly think that we are the most important authority in the room. You know the scene, and may have acted a starring role in it at some stage. Someone makes a profound and deep comment about something. They have hit the nail on the head, and there is a momentary silence, as people think about it.

And you just can't help open your mouth to agree with it, and to add some slight technical modification, or to add a rider. And in doing so, you make three terrible mistakes:

1. You discourage the person who made the remark. Because by adding to it, you imply it was not complete or quite right.
2. You unhelpfully  imply that you are "in control" of the group, and the measure of what is right and wrong (you're not!).
3. You reduce everyone's confidence to speak out for the encouragement of others what God has spoken to them as they look at His word.

Instead, a simple "thank you - that's dead right" will do the opposite - it will affirm and encourage others, and be honouring to God who speaks to and through each of us as we peer into the scriptures.

Yes, we will often need to be teachers, but more than that we need to be humble leaders, who are prepared to allow the Lord to teach the group through others, and be taught ourselves.

Potted Proverbs: The best questions are not questions

One of the greatest skills that you need to run a good Bible study is the instinct to craft good questions. You know what I mean...

1. Never as a question where the answer is Yes or No. "Is this verse saying that God is good?"
2. Never ask a question that is so blindingly obvious that no-one will want to answer it: "Who loved the world so much that he gave his only Son?"
3. Never ask multiple questions: "What has God said he will do for his people in verse 7, why will he do it, and what will be the result, and what horse won the 3.30 at Kempton Park Racecourse?"
4. Always ask open questions that get people to think about what the Scriptures are actually saying: "what is the big surprise in v 15?"
5. Ask not just about facts (what), but also about motivation (why), and connections (how): "Why do you think Jesus asks this question the way he does?"

But I've discovered over the years that, as the title says, often the best questions are not questions at all. Here's what I mean.

You've asked one of your finely crafted questions, and Janice, a young Christian who doesn't usually say very much, gives a hesitating answer, that shows she's on the right track. You can tell by the wrinkled forehead that she has got a lot more thoughts in her mind, but is unsure about her first answer, so has not said any more. So now is your chance to deploy the finest two words in Bible study history. 

Are you ready for them?

Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

"Go on"

Say these two words out loud now - they will change the face of your home group forever!

"Go on"

These words say loads of things to Jittery Janice, or shrinking Stephen, or hesitant Hannah, or timid Trevor. They tell them:

1. You're on the right track
2. I'm interested in the thoughts that are in your head - please share them round so that other people can be encouraged by them
3. The stage is yours...

It's the equivalent of what some books call an "extending question" - but without the need to think of another question. With the right tone, or even prefacing it with "I think you're on the right track here, go on..."or "That's an interesting idea, go on...", you are encouraging them to speak so they can encourage everyone else.

Try it at your next home group meeting, and you will be astonished by the power of these two little words to transform your group.

But a word of caution. Don't tell your group to read this blog post. Word got back to a group I once ran about a training session I ran, where I talked about these magic words. From that time on - all they did when I said "Go On" was laugh at me...

Potted Proverbs: Sit to be seen

There are always arguments in my family about who sits where at the table and why. And the gospels record a famous argument among the disciples about the seating arrangement in the new creation - The Thunder Brothers wanting the posh chairs on either side of Jesus (Mark 10:35-45).

Seating arrangements are especially important when you are leading a homegroup as well. Here are some thoughts on how you can subtly (and not so subtly) make chair choice change the dynamics of your time together:

• Your chair: like it or not, the chair you choose to sit in can give the wrong dynamic to the group. If it is taller than everyone else's, or larger and more comfortable than everyone else's, then you can unhelpfully give the impression that you are the teacher/guru that everyone else should listen to. If you insist on occupying the same chair every week - even if it's your chair - your favorite chair - you can reinforce an idea that you are in charge/in control/top dog. Christian leadership is, remember, all about being a humble servant, not about being overbearing - see Jesus reply to the Sons of Thunder above. And it is about helping your group discover what is in God's word for themselves - We want them to sit at Jesus' feet - not yours.
• Their chairs: soft sofas are squashy armchairs are good for relaxing, but also for putting people to sleep. Think about ringing the changes every now and then, and putting people round a table on dining chairs. This can create a more "business-like" atmosphere that will help to focus people for some harder work on the Bible text. If you are tackling a particularly tricky part of scripture this may help. Particularly if you pike the table up with Bible dictionaries and commentaries etc, and encourage you group to grab and read.
• Eye contact: you most naturally make eye contact with whoever you are sitting opposite, and you can use this to good effect. If you are anything like a typical homegroup, then you will have some quieter, more shy people who are reticent to contribute. They will naturally gravitate to a quieter corner in the room so that they will not be noticed. Simple plan - sit opposite them, so that you catch their eye more often. These visual "body language clues" will encourage them to speak up.
• No eye contact: the opposite of the above. You may have a group member that always answers the question before anyone else gets a look in, and tends to hog the conversation. By sitting next to them, you will catch their eye less often. And you'll be able to dig them in the ribs when they've gone on too long!

And while we're on environment, you should also keep an eye on temperature (not too hot to put them to sleep - not too cold to distract them), oxygen (opening the window for fresh air will keep them more alert); and lighting (dim light creates a cosy atmosphere - but will not help people read small Bible print - especially older ones or those who struggle with sight.

Any more practical points that anyone can suggest for other homegroup chairmen?

Potted Proverbs for home group leaders: we don't believe in the Big Bang

I'm not talking about the dawn of time and all that bewildering Cosmology stuff that lots of clever people like to think about with their calculators at hand.

I'm talking about what so often happens at the end of home groups:

We've finished reading and thinking about the Bible together. We've been amazed at how brilliant / surprising / strange / terrifying God is. We've been challenged deep down to think about how we can serve Christ better. And then the leaders says:

"Right, what shall we pray for?"

And then comes the Big Bang! The sound of Bibles closing around the room.

The Problem
The problem is that we falsely think of prayer and Bible reading as two separate and distinct activities. But when you think about it, this Big Bang really amounts to a bit of an insult to God. We've been sat round trying to hear and understand the voice of God, as he has spoken to us in Scripture. God has been talking to us - amazing!

But as soon as soon as we have finished listening to what he is saying - we quickly change to subject to talk to him about how much Dave's knee has been bothering him! Weird!

I hate it when I have conversations like that - because they are actually not really conversations at all. If I talk to my daughters about how much I love them, and what plans we have for our family future, and then they don't comment on it, but start to talk about something completely different (not to mention totally irrelevant), I will just assume they haven't really been listening. (OK - they're teenagers, so this happens a lot!).

In the Bible, the great prayers of God's people nearly always come as a response to something that God has done or said. And these great prayers, like Nehemiah 1 or Daniel 2 or Acts 4, are all filled with God's people quoting back to the Lord things he has said, or promised to them. They actually talk to God about the things he has said to them! It's a single conversation - not two separate ones that never meet.

A Soloution
So here's one solution I've come up with to help the groups I have been part of deal with this issue.

I have two prayer times! 

I make sure that, after we have finished the "listening to God from the Bible" part of our time together, we give ourselves time to "pray in" the things we have heard - either by saying sorry to God for the way we have failed him, by praising him for something we have seen more clearly about how fantastic He is, or by crying  out to him for help to change so that we can serve him more faithfully. It's only after we have done this, that we open our eyes again and ask if there are any specific things that people would like prayer for.

Of course, sometimes there are things going on in people's lives that are so enormous that they need to be brought before God before we do anything else. Including read the Bible together. So I think it's worth being flexible in what you do. If you pick up at the start of your time together that someone's relative is on the point of death, or if someone comes in looking jittery or haggard, it's worth asking what's going on, and have the group pray for that issue at the start.

But whatever you do, don't let the Big Bang happen in your home group. It's just plain rude.

Potted Proverbs: cross the ball - don't score the goal!

It’s a familiar scene to anyone who knows football. The soccer player who tries to “go it alone” runs at the defence, takes a wild shot, and completely misses - while his team-mates, completely unmarked, stand by helpless. The furious team coach is yelling from the touchline: “Pass the ball, don’t score the goal!”

One of the most important lessons I learned early on in my unusual career as a home group leader is contained in this pithy potted proverb. It's one of many I've collected over the years, and will blog on here over the next few months.

Everybody knows that Discovery is the best kind of education. I will always learn something more thoroughly if I’m put in the position where I discover it for myself, rather than if someone just tells me. But it's remarkable how many of us fail to work it out in practice.

If someone comments on a Bible passage and tells me what it says, I will register it. I may agree or disagree. I will wonder if it's your opinion, rather than what the Bible passage is actually saying.

But if I am prodded, provoked and encouraged to say what I see there, then it does a whole load of different things. I learn how to teach myself from God's Word. I encourage myself: Expression deepens impression as the saying goes. And I actually apply it to myself much more deeply. The experience of discovery is so much more exciting than listening to a lecture.

If you are a conscientious leader you will have done your prep on the passage. You pretty much know what the big idea is - the main point that we need everyone to grasp in the middle of all those other little observations. And because we've thought about it, and maybe even read a commentary or two, it's crystal clear in our minds, and so obvious to us when we look at the bible passage.

But then we get frustrated that no-one seems to get it, or traumatised by the silence. So we end up blurting out the answer before the cogs in their minds have really begun to turn properly.

This is something that the Lord Jesus understood. When he was asked directly, he gave a full and complete answer - but much of his teaching had that 'self discovery' element to it. An intriguing story was told, or a forehead-wrinkling question was asked, or an awkward piece of Old Testament Scripture was quoted, and then he walked away saying over his shoulder: "He who has ears to hear let him hear." Waiting for the penny to drop in its own time.

Frustrating as it might be, if you're a good leader, you'll know that your group will grow more, be more encouraging, and learn more deeply and thoroughly if you let them score the goal, by passing them the opportunity with a careful question.

And there's the big skill to develop. Asking questions that open up the passage for us in a way that connects with our lives - not just as an academic exercise in prising out good thoughts from a Bible passage.

So, not "What does v 16 say?" but " "What does v 16 say to us if we're feeling like we want to give up?"

And not "What does  v20 say about God?" but " "What surprises you about God in v 20?"

So please. Don't be a glory hunter -  cross the ball, and watch with delight as your group members do a dance of delight after seeing the ball hit the back of the net.